Review Suicide

Okay, I'm gonna have a small vent here. As an avid online shopper due to our poor selection of stores here, I read reviews for just about any item over $10 that I'm buying online. Since you can't see something in person - you just wanna know what others thought of the item's durability, value, ease, etc. I usually sift through several reviews before deciding whether the item is worth my time and money. That being said...

1.) WHERE did some of these people learn to write reviews?! Who taught them to write a review on a product they've had for five hours? How on earth can they determine durability based on five hours of use? Let me give you an example...

"Precious Planet Mobile, 06/24/2009
We just set this up last night...very easy...we havent used it yet because our baby isnt here yet...the music seems at a good volume but the projection with the mobile on is kind of silly because the animals get in the way as they move around...other than that its very cute and we cant wait to use it!"

They just set it up last night? And they're reviewing it? I quote "we haven't used it yet...." WHAT? I absolutely hate when people review something that they've had for very little time, much less NEVER USED.

2.) Vagueness. Is that a word? Don't be vague in your review! If you leave a review stating that you hate something...please...do go on. The masses want to know what is wrong with the item. Not just that you hate it. That tells us nothing. Which means you just wasted your time logging in, typing that stupid review, and posting it. Please, do not be vague and general in your review. Get detailed! Example:

"Junk, 07/08/2008 i bought this mobile for my 2 month old son and we did not like it. i was very disappointed and took it back the same day i bought it."

Oh, okay. Very disappointed. Why? We have no idea. She was just "disappointed" in the product. Should I buy it? I have no idea! Let's not even mention she had it less than one full day before taking it back to the store! Ugh.

3.) Please, for crying out loud...just a wee bit of correct grammar would be excellent. Please. Do not write your review in "text" language. Example:

"Terrible, 08/03/2008 got this thnkn it wud b gr8. not happy w/ how much $ it cost. coulda been better."

Gr8? I'm sorry...did you mean GREAT? Ugh. Okay, I think I've made my point sufficiently.

So, in conclusion, next time you're going to review a product, please make sure you are not committing review suicide. Thank you.

(And yes, these were all REAL reviews.)