Followup to MBFC

What on earth is MBFC?  If you haven’t been on my blog for long, you probably won’t remember.  But if you’ve followed for a while, you might remember this post.  It was “My Big Fat Confession” post.  It was me…venting.  (I wrote it on May 29, 2011.)   I never doubted we were blessed, but I saw our current lifestyle as a “trial to overcome” instead of a lifestyle to embrace.  But deep down, I knew this was a heart issue.

“I truly believe if I’ll change my heart to be more content with my situation, I will be happier with where we are and not constantly wanting.”

Y’all…it worked.  This entire year, I put a ton of focus on changing my heart instead of my surroundings.  We farm.  We live out in the middle of the country.  We combat the frogs and mosquitoes daily.  We spend a lot of time not “together” physically as a family.  But you know what? 

That’s okay.

It turns out, I knew 2 years ago that this was a heart issue, not an issue with his job or our surroundings.  It took me another year to really make a lifestyle change and attitude change to better our family.  And I’m so, so glad that I did.  I can tell a difference in my life, and apparently so can others.  Instead of treating our lifestyle as something to overcome, I’m treating it as something to embrace.  It’s making all the difference in the world. 

I expected my year this year to get harder instead of easier.  I have 3 small children and one of them is being carted all over town to school, dance, gymnastics, etc. and my embroidery business is SO busy.  It would be really easy for me to get aggravated and discontent with my life and how much of the parenting I feel like I’m doing “alone.”  However, this year has been my best since we moved here nearly 6 years ago.  I’m happy.  Truly happy.  I love my life. 

Please don’t misunderstand – I have my bad days, too.  Some days I’m just frustrated and can’t get a grasp on things.   I’m human.  But when I start to feel overwhelmed, I pray about it and take a few minutes to breathe…and I usually feel better instantly! 

I did do something that sounds kinda cheesy, but in reality, I really think it helped me a lot, and I encourage everyone (whether struggling with discontent or not!) to give it a shot.

I have a little book on my nightstand.  It’s just a cheap, empty journal from Walmart, but it’s oh so special to me.  Every night before I go to bed,  I come up with at least 5 things that happened during my day that I’m thankful for.  It can be anything!  Big or small.  Life changing or day changing.  I try not to write about the same things every day, although I’ve found that my love for my family always overflows onto the pages.    One night my number 2 item was:  “I had a delicious chocolate chip cookie today.  It was SO good!” and that’s okay!  Because even little things make a difference.  Some nights I go on and on about my kids and how proud I am of them, or how patient my husband is with me.  I’ve been doing this for 10 months now, and I’m on my 2nd book.  I love it!

As I go through my day now, when something kinda cool happens, I instantly think to myself, “I’m gonna write that in my journal!” and my entire day is spent noticing the little things that I’m grateful for, rather than overlooking them.  And when I do that, I realize just how blessed I really am.  I always knew that we were blessed, and I was grateful for what we had, but I don’t think I was grateful enough.  I had somewhat of a sense of entitlement (and that’s a really hard thing to admit) and I knew that attitude had to hit the road.  Because truth be told, if God actually gave me what I deserve, I wouldn’t be living the life that I am right now – that’s for sure!  I am so undeserving of my life. 

I still sometimes struggle with seeing people on Facebook have lots of vacations and family adventures and every single Saturday together, but I’m learning to be happy for them and move on.  My whole life has changed in the last year, and I hope that anyone who was feeling the way that I was will consider praying about it, finding things to be grateful for, and deciding to have a change of heart – because it’s totally up to you.  You decide your happiness with your attitude, not your circumstances. 

We are so blessed, friends!