I have a confession. I have a serious problem. It’s probably something that everyone has struggled with at some point. I’m rarely ever content. That’s such a difficult confession. There are so many “mom bloggers” that I follow that are just so….content. They’re perfectly happy with every aspect of their lives. Or at least that’s how it seems. I’m sure they have a stretch mark or dimple booty or something small they would change…but overall…they’re content.
I had a meltdown Saturday. My poor husband didn’t know what to do with me. Let me explain how this went. Amelia didn’t sleep well the night before and I was tired. Caroline had a cold was sickly all day Friday. It is no secret in this house that Judd has to work on Saturdays. It’s just how it is. It’s the life of a farmer…and his family. Why I lost my mind over this fact is simple. I woke up tired, and a million “little things” went wrong. I smashed my finger, I stubbed my toe, I was tired, I was hungry, etc. etc. The list could go on for hours. All of this led to me getting on the computer to play on Facebook for a few minutes in silence. My newsfeed was FULL of people talking about their super fun Memorial Day plans, boat rides on the lake, family events, reunions, and 4 days weekends. Memorial Day weekend is like any other weekend to us…the rice and soybeans don’t stop growing just because of a holiday. There were a bajillion pictures of people out at the pool, going on vacation to the beach, going to do this and that. And I got jealous. There, I said it. I was so jealous of their family time and…I’ll say it…their vacations. Their week long vacations away from their houses and familiar towns. I wanted it. I still do, honestly. But we farm, so December is our month for a vacation. Please don’t take this as something you need to say, “Oh I’m so sorry – I can’t imagine…blah blah blah.” It’s okay. I knew that this was what life was going to be like before we got married – I guess I just didn’t realize what an adjustment it would be for ME and NOT for Judd. He grew up with this. His Daddy always worked on Saturdays. Mine didn’t. We took a vacation almost every summer to an amusement park or wherever and just spent time as a family. He did that in December – along with everything else.
I say all of that not so you’ll pity me and my lifestyle. There are definitely perks to my lifestyle – I can’t lie. There are wonderful things about farming. Judd gets the entire month of December off work. But trying to fit an entire year’s worth of events into one jam packed month is difficult. December now holds our anniversary, Amelia’s birthday, other family birthdays, and the obvious one – Christmas. (We won’t even mention the crazy amount of duck hunting Judd does in December!) But either way, we do enjoy our time together in December! One of the real perks of farming is that Judd loves his job. He TRULY loves what he does. I would never want him to dislike the job he had to go to 6-7 days a week!
I’m working really hard on being content. I want to be content with our lifestyle. I want to take the good with the bad and just DEAL with it…but it’s so hard. It’s so hard to hear about all the fun vacations people are taking. It’s hard to read statuses on FB about everyone being excited about it being Saturday. Saturday is just another work day here. I’m praying really hard for the Lord to help me change my heart. I have more blessings than I can count. My kids are healthy. That is such an amazing blessing – and I thank the Lord for that every single day. I have an A-MAZING family – on both sides. I have a husband who does major strenuous manual labor all day long for our family. He works his tush off, folks. Seriously. He shovels, he rides extremely bumpy tractors, he builds things…this list could truly go on forever. I’m so thankful for him. I get to stay home with my babies. That is so important to me. I love being with them and watching them grow. I love seeing each milestone and knowing that I’m the one with them all day. I couldn’t be more appreciative of that fact…or I probably could…and should be. The blessings list could far outweigh the negatives in my life! (Sing it with me folks, “count your blessings, name them one by one…and it will surprise you what the Lord has done!)
Just typing those good things out has made me realize how good I really have it. It stinks that Judd has to work so much the majority of the year – but I truly believe if I’ll change my heart to be more content with my situation, I will be happier with where we are and not constantly wanting.
Someone else HAS to be feeling this way about something (it doesn’t have to be about work!) and I hope that we can pray for each other! I need prayers to change my heart. I want to be one of those bloggers that is so happy with life that it encourages YOU to be more happy with yours. I’d love to pray for you and have your prayers in return! That’s what we’re here for, right? My heart is racing over putting this confession out on the world wide web, but I need to!
I know most of you probably didn’t care to read all of this and probably didn’t make it past the first pity-party-paragraph, and that’s okay. Writing this post was mainly for myself. It’s part of the self-betterment goal I’m going for. I ordered a book recommended by a friend called “Calm my Anxious Heart: A woman’s guide to finding contentment” by Linda Dillow. I’m going to read it and I’ll do my best to let you know how it turns out.
If you’re feeling this way about something (or anything that you’d like prayers for!) leave a comment. We will pray for each other! It takes only a few seconds to leave a comment – and the prayers you will receive could change your heart…and your life if you allow it! Thank you for your prayers!